The Gift That Changed My Life

I learned I was adopted at a young age. I don't actually remember being told but I do remember a book my mom read to me. I was probably about 5 or 6 years old. It was a book written for children that explained what adoption was and displayed a very positive light on the subject. It was followed by a discussion about me being adopted. I didn't really get it but, as time went on, I grew to understand. I was "chosen". During my early years, I wasn't very inquisitive. As I was nearing my preteen and teen years, I had so many questions that no one could answer. I was at the age of discovery. Who did I look like? My mom or my dad? Did I inherit any of my traits from my biological parents? Who was I and where did I belong? The movie, "Annie" came out and I instantly related to a VERY specific song, "Betcha they're young. Betcha they're smart. Bet they collect things Like ashtrays and art. Betcha they're good. Why shouldn't they be? Their one mistake was giving up me". I'm a Generation X baby which means I'm older than Google and the Internet, older than emails, and adoptions records were sealed (taboo). I knew my birth given name, when and where I was born, the name of the attorney and caseworker, my parents birthdates, and the name of the adoption agency. A whole lotta info and not much means to put any of it to use. Did that deter me? Hell no. I called people and places. Sent letters, Fabricated stories to get info because, if you mentioned you were adopted, people hung up on you. I even contacted the attorney who was old and retired but agreed to help me. A few days later, he passed away. The Universe was obviously not on my side. 

Fast forward a few years. Google and the Internet were now my best friends. Unfortunately, I was born during a time where not much was recorded to be accessed... and I still didn't have my parents' names. I remained hopeful for the most part but that hope seemed to dwindle the older I got. When I reached 50, I knew I was never going to get the answers I desired. Even if I did find my parents, calculating their ages, would they even remember having a child? In "The Notebook", Ally never remembered having children. Would they remember having me? Mother's Day, a couple years later, my younger daughter got me an Ancestry DNA kit. I welcomed her enthusiasm, and she had the hope I had lost. "It's worth a shot mom and you have nothing to lose". For shits-and-giggles, I completed the kit and sent it in. The results took two months, and I became hopeful again, anticipating the results. It scored a lot of "hits" linking me to aunts, uncles, and cousins. Here goes nothing or everything. 

I sent an Ancestry message to the two closest linked relatives. They were from my mom's side. Much to my surprise, they both replied with welcoming messages. They remembered my mom being pregnant with me and had always wondered what had become of me, where I was. They had so much to tell me and so much they wanted to know about me. We exchanged phone numbers. We talked. They sent me pictures of my mom as a baby and growing up. I sent them pictures of me as a baby and growing up. I look like my mom. Sadly, she passed in 2005. I will never get to meet her or hear the sound of her voice. I hope she knows I never stopped looking for her or thinking about her. I like to think she's looking down at me, guiding me. I learned so much about her through them. I learned about my grandparents and great grandparents. They put me in touch with my mom's best friends, one who I got the chance to meet.

Soooo, what about my dad? No one seemed to know too much about him. They said he was quiet and reclusive. Sounds like me at times. Him and my mom married before I was born and stayed together until my mom passed. They had a last known address. "Google, we've come so far. Don't fail me now!" The tax records to the address they gave me was still in my dad's name. Ah, yes, I now had my parents' names. I got out some paper and a pen and started writing. This letter had to be handwritten, not computer generated. It was a sensitive and emotional matter. I explained who I was and posed some questions I had through the years, and ended the letter with my name, email, and phone number. I mailed the letter and prayed for the best. He received the letter and tossed it on the table. After a few moments of staring at that letter, he had to open it. The handwriting. It intrigued him. I have my mom's handwriting. He couldn't get past the opening line without crying. His girlfriend knew about me and had to read the letter for him. That evening, on 6/27/2020, I received an email from my dad. It was days before I stopped crying and still do from time to time.  

To say that this has been an emotional trip is an extreme understatement. I am still overwhelmed by all of this. I think back to the days when I had so many unanswered questions and only hope to hold onto. Now, all the voids are gone. I look like my mom. I have her driven need for success and her intelligence. I have her desire to travel. I have her level of organization and analytical skills. I have my love for the arts and my talents from my mom as well. I get my reclusiveness and sanctity in my alone time from my dad. He is intelligent as well (so I guess I get that from both parents). There will be times where I don't hear from him in a while. The days go by too fast. I'm the same way. I get my stubbornness from my dad. Something tells me I get my temper from him as well. I get my sense of humor from my dad. He has taught me so much about my mom and my dad is amazing (and I really love his girlfriend too).  

The gift that changed my life - AncestryDNA - gave me all the answers to all my questions. Gave me a whole new beginning... a whole new outlook on life 💜