Legacy of an Adopted Child

                                       Once there were two women who never knew each other,

One – you do not remember, the other you call mother.

Two different lives shaped to make yours,

One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.

The first gave you life, and the second taught you to live in it.

The first gave you a need for love and the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality; the other gave you a name.

One gave you the seed of talent; the other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions; the other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.

One gave you up – that was all she could do.

The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.

Now you ask through all your tears the age-old question through the years.

Heredity or environment – which are you a product of?

Neither my darling – neither – just two different kinds of love.

(Author unknown)

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My mom found this poem in the newspaper when I was about 13 or so. She clipped it out and laid it on my bed. My mom was always very supportive of me wanting to find my birth parents. She had fears and hesitations and that can only be expected. She was afraid of losing me if I found them. She would remind me, "Whatever you find out there, please don't forget I am your mother". That thought could never cross my mind. I appreciated her understanding and, now that I have children of my own, I can't imagine the fear she must've felt. My mom was the closest to a Saint anyone could be lucky enough to know. We battled and we fought. I gave her a run for her money. I was rebellious. My mom didn't always have my back but always came through in the end (well, for the most part). But she was spiritual and kind. She could never hurt anyone to save her own life. She would never steal or lie. Very rarely even cussed. She passed on 4/1/2015, and I miss her every single day 💔

What I have come to learn is - the answer to that age-old question is both, not neither. My biological parents did not have an influence in my upbring since I was 52 years old before even knowing much about them. Yet, I inherited so much from them from looks and personality to skills and talents. My mom used to tell me, "You could tell you were adopted because you are the only person in this house so organized". I could have piles of "junk" in my bedroom, but that "junk" would be so organized 😂 I get that from my biological mom. I also have environmentally inherited behaviors, skills, and traits from the parents that raised me. My dad was a cop. He trusted no one and always aimed for the best security and defense. That's me. My mom was kind, trusting, and generous. This is also me. What a conflict! My dad was an artist. He could look at anything and draw it life-size in such detail. I love to draw. My dad was an inpatient man and had to stay interactive (keep his brain stimulated at all times). This is me. My dad used to tell me, "Your brain is like a muscle. If you do not use it and challenge it, it will become weak". If he ran out of crossword puzzles or reading material, he would read the dictionary or encyclopedias just to keep his brain active and challenged. My dad didn't care for television much. He called it the "idiot box" but he did have certain shows he enjoyed. I don't care for television much either but do have a couple of shows I enjoyed watching. From my biological parents, I have my mom's driven need for success and her intelligence. I have her desire to travel. I have her level of organization and analytical skills. I have my love for the arts and my talents from my mom as well. I get my reclusiveness and sanctity in my alone time from my dad. He is intelligent as well (so I guess I get that from both parents). There will be times where I don't hear from him in a while. I'm the same way. I get my stubbornness from my dad. Something tells me I get my temper from him as well. I get my sense of humor from my dad. 

So - nature vs nurture, heredity vs environment. We are all made up of both. Just, sometimes, it's not so recognizable.